Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

  It's true that time is precious. I don't delight in getting older. I'm averse to the changes that come with the seasons, not just the weather, but life, in general. I've never been good with change, in any capacity. I'll be 38 this year. I don't know that I ever thought I'd make it this far. Adulthood isn't something I ever wished for as a child. I remember telling my mother that I would purposely flunk school, so I'd never have to grow up. I didn't, obviously. Flunk school, I mean. But I don't know that I really 'grew up' either. Adulthood was never something I identified with, and it still isn't.  I don't feel human most days, never mind adult human.  Maybe my greatest wish would be to stop time. And yet...every year I only long to move forward. To the only time of year that makes sense to me. Perhaps it is the depersonalization I feel through winter, through spring, and through summer, that keeps me longing for autumn.  I...

 Much of this year has felt eternal to me. I'm not entirely sure why. But on some level, it's felt like Halloween was never going to come around again. I have theories as to why things have felt so long and hopeless, most of them having to do with my own schedule, and seasonal depression now on top of it. Whatever the feeling was, it was scary for me. Like being a trapped animal. But, yesterday afternoon, I went for a walk. That is a rarity for me these days as the heat intolerance connected to my summer SAD seems to be getting worse by the day, but after a rainstorm and some Halloween shopping, I was feeling pretty decent.  And, possibly for the first time since 2024 began, I could feel it again. The final leg of our journey to Halloween.  I looked around at the yards I was passing, and could almost see the Halloween decorations, where they will be standing once again. My old friends who visit me once a year. I miss them; their comfort. But, for the first time since last...

 It's been two weeks now since Halloween.  This year, I was able to hold onto things a little more than usual, with continued events and multiple trips to The Great Jack O'Lantern Blaze, but it's finally hitting me now that the official time of Halloween is, in fact, over. It's funny, because when I say this on social media, I suddenly get flooded with people telling me it's not really over, or that it's always in my heart. (Or my least favorite, trying to push me into the, spooky or otherwise, Christmas spirit. Please read  this post  before you attempt to go down that road.)  The strange thing is, I know these things. I very obviously know how to hold onto Halloween despite calendar dates.When it comes to my free time, I essentially live completely outside the confines of a calendar. And yet, I can't help but feel that heaviness now, two weeks later, as Halloween gets put away and forgotten once again by the outside world.  What does it mean when I say I ...

If you know me at all, you probably know: It’s never too early for Halloween is the hill I will die on. January 3rd, April 22nd, August 12th, November 1st itself…It doesn’t matter. To me, spooky is not a season. But a strange trend I’m starting to notice this year is, even within the Halloween community itself, even among the most avid lovers of Halloween, I’m seeing posts that basically state, in so many words, “I love Halloween, but it’s too early.”  Huh? Now, I understand that for some people, it may not feel as special when treated as a year-round thing, and that is a perfectly valid way to feel. In fact, one reason it took me until my mid-twenties to start leaving my Halloween decor up all year round was because I was afraid Halloween would lose something if I tried to quell that longing by surrounding myself with it for too long before or too late after. I’m in no way trying to shade or gatekeep against those that love Halloween but find more magic in keeping it seasonal. The...

 If you've known me long enough, you know that Valentine's Day is, and pretty much always has been, my second-favorite holiday.  People who don't know me as well, though, are always shocked to find this out...and basically just shocked that there is someone in the world who loves and looks forward to Valentine's Day, in general.  I've honestly never understood the negativity. I mean, I suppose I can see it if you have some sort of awful memory tied to the day, or something along those lines, but to loathe the day just because it exists? It's never really made sense to me. I guess the problem is that most people see it is a holiday only for people in romantic relationships, but my memories of Valentine's Day extend far beyond the relationships I've been in.  The fact that so many people seem to perceive Valentine's Day as being so exclusive, is honestly bizarre to me.  Maybe it's because I grew up a shy, unpopular kid, but to me, growing up, Valen...

 Okay, so, today we’re going to be talking about Christmas.  No, I’m not about to make some grand seasonal switch as to what holiday I’m obsessed with. On the contrary, actually. Due to the constant invalidation of my feelings toward this time of year, and constant passive-aggressive statements eluding to me being some kind of “pick me girl” for staying so faithful to Halloween, I’ve decided I just want to straight-up talk about how Christmas changed for me, in detail, and why it makes me feel, or doesn’t make me feel, the way it does now. It will probably help to get this all off my chest, even if no one reads it. Though I do hope someone out there may find comfort in it in some way. I suppose you could say my descent into Grinchdom began the summer before I started middle school. Prior to this time, I was, more or less, the epitome of the “tiny tot with their eyes all aglow”, who “finds it hard to sleep” on Christmas Eve. No, Christmas was never my favorite holiday, but the ...

 I have long referred to November as my least favorite month. I have said the words "I hate November" more times than I could ever possibly count. The year I was fourteen, I drew dark, defiant Xs through the Os in the month's name on every calendar or day planner that I came into contact with. One year I even referred to it as "NOPEvember" throughout the month. How DARE November exist?! I used to say to myself. How DARE such a miserable month come along and try to follow Halloween and October? Yes, it's devastating when Halloween ends. Yes, I think it adds insult to injury that we're already in an entirely different month the second Halloween passes.  But November is not the enemy. I've realized, in my adult years, as time has gone on, that November is actually an important time. November is an ally. November is the time when fall fights for its life. Though "spooky season" (I'm actually really starting to hate that term.) is deemed ove...

 For as long as I can remember, I’ve referred to Thanksgiving as my least favorite holiday. (Though honestly, in adulthood, I think that’s actually New Year’s; When you’re not a partier and consider the calendar your mortal enemy, what’s the point?) As a child I found it boring, especially in comparison to both Halloween and Christmas, the holidays it was jammed in between, and as an adult I find it exhausting and pointless. I don’t really even like the food all that much.  But, I can’t help but acknowledge the fact that I also cling to it a little, as autumn’s final breath. Christmas didn’t take over as quickly when I was younger as it does now. Halloween ended, and autumn slowly, more gradually, faded away into a more dismal version of itself, with grayer skies, browner leaves, and less magic. Ghosts, black cats, witches, spiders, and skeletons disappeared from lawn displays, while pumpkins and scarecrows remained. On some level they seemed almost tired…I think I thought of ...

  Thanksgiving is the day that autumn finally throws its now-brittle, bare hands up in defeat. The remaining ghosts of Halloween are pulled back into the Netherworld, as if they are guests who have overstayed their welcome. Thanksgiving is the day the pumpkins get their final chance, if they managed to survive post-Halloween. They sit at their doorsteps, knowing their days are now really numbered, and they will be discarded, or left to rot, unnoticed.  Autumn remains for another month, but it is tired now. Tired of fighting, tired of screaming and barely being heard. Thanksgiving is the day that autumn surrenders. The day that autumn whispers into the wind for one final time,  "I'm still here." Only a few of us hear it. And those few of us know that's it's not  truly  over yet.  But Thanksgiving is a day that feels like a death.  The death of autumn for another year.  There is a finality to it now, and we mourn.

 I went for a walk this morning. The last time I took this exact same route was on the evening of October 29th, and it felt like being in a movie. The sun was setting, the leaves were reaching peak color, and everyone’s Halloween decorations were up and running. I felt perfectly alive in my surroundings, and like anything could happen. At times I felt like I was in some sort of opening scene for a new installment of a movie like Trick ‘r Treat.  There was an anticipation in the air that reminded me of how I used to feel as a child, when my father used to “patrol the streets” on the night before Halloween, and I could just feel the spookiness and excitement of what was to come. It was a sign that everyone was finally feeling the way I do all year round, almost as if the universe was giving me one huge gift. I don’t think there’s anything else quite like the magic of that time just before Halloween, when everything just glows and radiates. It truly feels like anything can happen...

 If you’ve followed me on social media long enough, you’ll probably recall me mentioning a song I made up as a child, titled “The Halloween Flame Is Still Burning.”  This post  is probably where I’ve talked about in the most detail.  I was around eight or nine years old, thinking about Halloween as usual, even though it was spring time, and of course, what is the thought of Halloween for someone like me, without the accompanying thought of post-Halloween depression?  “The Halloween Flame Is Still Burning” was about the combination of sadness that Halloween was over, at least to those around me, but also the burst of hope and intrigue that came from seeing Halloween decorations still out in the wild, even after the day itself had passed. Sadly, I don’t think I ever actually wrote the song down. I’ve spent probably sad amounts of time trying to remember it, usually during the month of November, but only a few lines have ever found their way back to me. The song wa...

 It’s that time of year again. The time when Halloween “ends” to the layperson, and even some of the spookiest people take a two-month break to obsess over Christmas. It’s the damndest thing, how, as early as the stroke of midnight on November first in some cases, the world transforms, seemingly forgetting that Halloween ever happened, into a sugar-coated, red-and-green, fairy-lit wonderland, while some of the leaves haven’t even fallen from their trees yet. It’s like a switch flips, the opposite of a blackout, and about ninety-percent of the world gets brainwashed. I scroll through my social media feeds and wonder where my kindred spirits went. No, enjoying Christmas as well as Halloween does not make you any less of a spooky community member, but for some of us, it’s depressing to see. We gather to keep Halloween alive all year round, yet, if you were to scroll through my Instagram home page right now, you might get the impression that my favorite holiday is actually Christmas. T...

  A skeleton is once again just a reminder of death. Are you offended, or scared? Did you forget what it meant just days ago? Every leaf is now just a dried-out inconvenience. Not long ago you traveled just to watch them all die. It's so hypocritical, when you think about it. Those pumpkins on the porch decay, and you say they have to go. There's no place in the world for their unique, wary faces anymore. What's different is no longer beautiful. You remember you hate spiders, you think black cats bring bad luck. Do you even remember Halloween night, once you've extinguished the last Jack O'Lantern flame?  Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one without seasonal amnesia. Or maybe I'm just the only one brave enough to say, "This is who I am", as I stand tall, trying to achieve the scarecrow's confidence, still dressed in orange and black. The skeletons still dance for me. Even the rotten pumpkins glow.  Even the brownest leaves are beautiful to me...

 It's a strange and fascinating, thought not necessarily in a good way, feeling, when you feel so at home in the world one day and then like you've landed on an alien planet the next. How can something that felt so perfect, so comfortable yesterday, feel so foreign and off-putting today? This is how November first has always felt for me, though. I've often compared it to being away at boarding school for about ninety percent of the year. You spend this huge chunk of time in a place where you don't fit in, that never truly feels like home even if you have a bed there, and then suddenly, for one glorious month or so, you're able to travel back to your real home. It feels so fabulous, so welcoming. You finally feel like you're a part of the world again. You have a family, a home, a place.  But, of course that wretched thing called the calendar has to involve itself and the day comes where it dictates you must get back on that bus and get back to that false excuse f...