Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

I50 days until Halloween. It's ironic, in a way, that this last leg of the journey is the hardest for me.  I look out the window and see the blinding sun shining on the green leaves, as people walk past in tank tops and flip flops and the lake across the street glimmers in its beautiful, painful way, and I feel further now from Halloween than I did as I left Sleepy Hollow in the late morning hours on November 1st. 150 days, and it feels heavier, longer, than 364. Summer depression is not easy. Hearing about how "gorgeous" it is outside in reference to the weather that drains me physically and mentally, makes me feel more invisible and unimportant than I did in my high school years. The constant bleating of Stop rushing the seasons!   as soon as a pumpkin dares appear on a store shelf, when "rushing the seasons" is the only thing keeping me going, makes me feel like I don't matter. I realized, recently, that a person with summer SAD longing for fall, is no di...

 Much of this year has felt eternal to me. I'm not entirely sure why. But on some level, it's felt like Halloween was never going to come around again. I have theories as to why things have felt so long and hopeless, most of them having to do with my own schedule, and seasonal depression now on top of it. Whatever the feeling was, it was scary for me. Like being a trapped animal. But, yesterday afternoon, I went for a walk. That is a rarity for me these days as the heat intolerance connected to my summer SAD seems to be getting worse by the day, but after a rainstorm and some Halloween shopping, I was feeling pretty decent.  And, possibly for the first time since 2024 began, I could feel it again. The final leg of our journey to Halloween.  I looked around at the yards I was passing, and could almost see the Halloween decorations, where they will be standing once again. My old friends who visit me once a year. I miss them; their comfort. But, for the first time since last...

This past week, as I've watched the Easter displays in stores disappear, I've felt the heaviness of the end of a holiday, more than I usually do. I don't do much to celebrate Easter anymore...to me it's more of a children's holiday, celebration-wise, what with the egg hunts and Easter Bunny lore and all, but I do feel a great deal of nostalgia when I think about it. This past season was eye-opening for me when it comes to the impression Easter made on me as a child, realizing how many memories I have attached to it, though I doubt it could ever be a favorite holiday ever again, at least in the traditional sense. Was I sad to see it end after the wave of nostalgia it brought me? Of course. But that also doesn't mean that I can't still think about those things now. It's long been established that living life by a calendar is absolutely beneath me.  I've realized, now, though, watching the displays get taken down and torn apart and built back into somet...

I remember a car ride with my parents. I'm not entirely sure how old I was. Middle school aged, I believe. My father commented on how, in about a week or so, the clocks would move forward, and it would stay light out later into the evening hours. I always tried not to really listen to my parents' conversations in the car, or at least not let on that I was. But this time, for some reason, I blurted out in response "How depressing." I believe this may have been the first time I ever expressed that out loud. I've never cared for spring, and especially not summer, even in childhood. Even when I didn't realize I was doing it, I was always searching for Halloween, in everything around me. And what is more reminiscent of Halloween, in the treacherous off-season, than bare trees, dead leaves, and darkness?  Putting my aversion to warm weather and sunlight aside, spring comes along and breaks the illusion. It's hard to get lost in the memory of trick-or-treating, o...

 I can't remember the last time I went for a walk before today. It may actually have been Christmas Day, as I was sick for most of January and the earlier part of February. That strange period of time when last Halloween is so close, yet so far Today I set out, on my usual route, half happy to have the time, energy, and daylight to finally go off in search of inspiration once again, and half annoyed at the sunlight in my eyes and the knowledge of the imminent boss battle ahead of me, as it's already starting to feel like summer and it's not even officially spring. It felt strange, in a way, to be walking that way again, after so long. On my last walk, I felt the strange melancholy of a post-holiday world, combined with the Christmas facade falling away. I was standing on the borderline of autumn and winter, while today I almost felt as if I were walking the plank between winter's pirate ship and spring and summer's endless ocean.  Memories of autumn flooded me, as I...

 A few days ago, I made a post on Instagram talking about how my summer depression made an event I had been looking forward to attending, difficult for me. (You can find the original post  here .) The next morning, I started getting a barrage of direct messages from someone who was completely flabbergasted, and seemingly downright offended  that a person could experience any sort of negative emotion during wonderful  summer. This was, as you can imagine, a very irritating experience for me. I do not appreciate anyone invalidating anyone else, especially as it relates to mental health struggles. As a result, I started posting a little more about the summer strain of Seasonal Affective Disorder (also known as SAD) and have since been receiving very positive responses, particularly from people that have been feeling this way for years but were never able to put a name to it before. Raising this awareness has brought me a lot of joy over the past few days, and so I thoug...