Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

  Many years ago, there was no 'Halloween Community', as we now know it.  There were only us, the children drifting like dry, wayward leaves in a cool breeze, never quite knowing where to land. We were the children whose friends looked at them strangely when we said our favorite holiday wasn't Christmas. We were the children who were called 'creepy' because we preferred ghost stories to fairy tales. If you were one of these children, one of us, you know. Me, personally? I was the little girl who cried when Halloween ended and never brightened at the mention of Christmas on the horizon. I was the little girl who pitched the idea of turning the Jack o' Lanterns around, hiding their scary faces, so that they could linger through Thanksgiving. I was the little girl who tried to start a leaf collection and then was devastated when they all turned brown.  I was the little girl who just wanted Halloween to stay. I was also the little girl who grew into perhaps a more a...

 We've probably all heard it said that Halloween is the one day of the year where "you don't have to be yourself". It's a tagline of the holiday, ever since I was a child. And I suppose, when I was younger, I felt that my love of Halloween could be connected to my imagination; my desire to play pretend.  I was always big on imaginative play, whether it was physically playing dress-up, or talking to a doll or stuffed animal as if they could hear (I have a very distinct memory of staying up until 11PM one night talking to my Princess Jasmine doll, trying to psychoanalyze my second-grade bullies!) or whether it was a more internal thing, imagining myself in a world outside my own, as a character in a favorite piece of media, or a celebrity in some alternate life. Sometimes I even imagined my own life, but different. Maybe I was best friends with the popular girls, or the first girl in class to have a boyfriend, or even just simply had siblings (such as the twin siste...

 Someone on Instagram recently asked me, at what point do I stop mourning the previous Halloween, and start celebrating the upcoming one. This was an interesting question to me, as it's honestly not something I think I've ever thought about before. Halloween is so perpetual to me, that the separation between this Halloween and last Halloween is not something I feel I've ever considered, save for the excitement of being able to say "this Halloween", once the Gregorian New Year hits.  So it's something I've been contemplating lately. What am I thinking about, when I go for walks around the neighborhood? Am I envisioning where the decorations were, last year, or where they will be, again?  I honestly think it's always a bit of both. When I was younger, there was a house I trick-or-treated at that had a globe-shaped light that was designed to look like a witch flying across a full moon. It was obviously homemade, and it was a big deal in my Halloween-lovin...

 In 2018, I thought I was dying. It wasn't a health scare, at least not a physical one.  I was losing myself. 2018 was a truly transitional time for me. At the time, I was living with my parents, along with my boyfriend at the time, who I'd been with for over a decade. They say you never know what the next day is going to bring, and April 2018 was proof of that.  Around the middle of the month, I made the decision to end my relationship, for several reasons, one being complicated feelings I had for someone else. I was in the process of figuring all of that out, when, not more than a week later, my father abruptly decided it was time to retire, put the house up for sale,  and move to Florida.  I don't do well with change on a good day. But dealing with all of this at once was rough. I was facing a breakup, a possible new relationship, and suddenly potential homelessness, all at once. (If you know me at all, you'll understand that moving to Florida was never a con...

 The December pumpkin is tired. The December pumpkin has been living in fear. A nagging fear since the very dawn of November 1st, as the world around them turned into something they didn’t recognize. Beautiful, natural colors replaced with blinding, manufactured lights. Their brethren rotted, or simply discarded, as men made of snow that has not yet fallen take their place. A forgotten world, that just a short time ago, brought joy to so many. The December pumpkin has been told, for so long now, that their time is up. That they shouldn’t exist in this world beyond October. They’re not needed, unimportant. Just succumb to the rot. Fall in line. Surely a pumpkin existing beyond October should have no identity of its own.  There are, of course, many pumpkins who fall victim to this mentality once October has passed. They rot. They crumble. They roll over to make way for Santa Claus and whatever menagerie of colorful creatures he brings with him. For some, there is no turning back...

 I have long referred to November as my least favorite month. I have said the words "I hate November" more times than I could ever possibly count. The year I was fourteen, I drew dark, defiant Xs through the Os in the month's name on every calendar or day planner that I came into contact with. One year I even referred to it as "NOPEvember" throughout the month. How DARE November exist?! I used to say to myself. How DARE such a miserable month come along and try to follow Halloween and October? Yes, it's devastating when Halloween ends. Yes, I think it adds insult to injury that we're already in an entirely different month the second Halloween passes.  But November is not the enemy. I've realized, in my adult years, as time has gone on, that November is actually an important time. November is an ally. November is the time when fall fights for its life. Though "spooky season" (I'm actually really starting to hate that term.) is deemed ove...

 It's a strange and fascinating, thought not necessarily in a good way, feeling, when you feel so at home in the world one day and then like you've landed on an alien planet the next. How can something that felt so perfect, so comfortable yesterday, feel so foreign and off-putting today? This is how November first has always felt for me, though. I've often compared it to being away at boarding school for about ninety percent of the year. You spend this huge chunk of time in a place where you don't fit in, that never truly feels like home even if you have a bed there, and then suddenly, for one glorious month or so, you're able to travel back to your real home. It feels so fabulous, so welcoming. You finally feel like you're a part of the world again. You have a family, a home, a place.  But, of course that wretched thing called the calendar has to involve itself and the day comes where it dictates you must get back on that bus and get back to that false excuse f...

 I'm really not the type to "gatekeep". I don't think there should be any sort of justification needed for enjoying something, no matter how your enjoyment of it measures up, or doesn't, to that of other people. There's nothing wrong with being a lifelong fan or a brand new one, discovering something because your parents loved it or because it suddenly became popular. I actually, personally, have a strange relationship, or rather non-relationship, with music because of judgement and gatekeeping. It's crappy. But yet, I can't help but feel a strange, and, I can't lie, pretty negative curiosity toward the people I like to refer to as "once a yearers". This is my term for the people that only celebrate Halloween once a year. For the record, I don't actually think there's anything inherently wrong with enjoying seasons, you know, seasonally. As many of you know if you've been reading my blog for awhile, I have a weird love for Val...

 I have a lot of pet peeves when it comes to how people act on social media.  But my biggest is probably the people that seek out accounts dedicated to fall and Halloween, and then basically try to police them about what month it is. I honestly hate living in such a calendar-driven society. The fact that people think they should or shouldn't act a certain way because of a square drawn onto a piece of paper is ludicrous to me. What you can do on most "holidays", you can do on literally any other day of the year. And if you happen to love and look forward to one of those holidays, why shouldn't you be able to keep that alive even when the calendar has moved onto its next meaningless little box?  I was thinking about it this morning, and Halloween is actually the only holiday where people would look at you funny if you did its main celebratory pastime, trick-or-treating, any other time of the year. Every other holiday could literally be celebrated whenever. Big family di...

 This year, the closer October has gotten, I have seen many memes going around similar to this one: I have a strange sense of humor at times and honestly, I have no idea if these are meant to be insulting to people like me or not, but, like many others in the spooky community, I choose to laugh at them. It can feel a bit cliche at times, being the “spooky friend”. When I was younger, I chose to hide my interests from the world. I was super shy and lived in constant fear of being judged, so I dressed to blend in, and named generic, popular things as my favorites (movies, music, etc.) when asked. It was a miserable, hollow existence and I’m very, very glad that I grew out of it. I find I actually get more compliments now than my younger self ever would have expected to. People can be mean, as they can with anything, but at the end of the day, nothing beats knowing who you are and what makes you happy, and feeling comfortable enough with yourself to express that. With that said, thoug...

 The day after Halloween has always been the most difficult day of the year for me.  Over time, it’s gotten harder, as the rush to begin the Christmas season begins earlier and earlier with each passing year. The fact that autumn still has almost two months left in it, is entirely forgotten.   But, even as a wide-eyed child who did enjoy and look forward to Christmas each year, November, and specifically the first, was still a desolate time. Obviously, in my adult years, I’ve built my life around making every day feel like Halloween in some capacity. It truly helps, but it doesn’t change the metamorphosis that the world seems to undergo the second the clock strikes midnight on November first. (Art by Ally Burke, @funnyskullgrin on Instagram) There is a feeling that something has been extinguished. The aura of magic that seemed to surround everything just a few short hours before has evaporated somehow. That feeling of “anything can happen”, that spooky excitement tha...

Something I’ve been thinking about lately, likely as the result of going to an outlet mall a few days ago, is spooky fashion. Even though I wear Halloween attire all year round nowadays, I didn’t have the guts to dress “goth” in my teen years. As someone who’d been teased and taunted since the first grade, for literally doing nothing as I was bordering on too shy to exist, the idea of doing anything to draw the wrong kind of attention to myself was terrifying.  Not to say I didn’t appreciate the style. The first real “goth” I ever met was a girl named Laura in seventh grade, and I thought she was the coolest person. While other girls in my grade sought the approval of and desperately wanted to be like snobby cheerleader Olivia, or future dance team captain Mia, Laura was the one I idolized. She was much more attainable as a friend, as she accepted all people in a way I’d never seen before from any of my peers. I was always somewhat a part of her circle, though on the outskirts...