In A Hallowed Hurry//October 153rd, 2025

It's true that time is precious.

I don't delight in getting older. I'm averse to the changes that come with the seasons, not just the weather, but life, in general. I've never been good with change, in any capacity.

I'll be 38 this year. I don't know that I ever thought I'd make it this far. Adulthood isn't something I ever wished for as a child. I remember telling my mother that I would purposely flunk school, so I'd never have to grow up.

I didn't, obviously. Flunk school, I mean. But I don't know that I really 'grew up' either.

Adulthood was never something I identified with, and it still isn't.

I don't feel human most days, never mind adult human.

Maybe my greatest wish would be to stop time.

And yet...every year I only long to move forward. To the only time of year that makes sense to me.

Perhaps it is the depersonalization I feel through winter, through spring, and through summer, that keeps me longing for autumn.

In autumn I feel real. Like I can do anything. Like I can be anything. Most importantly, like I can be myself.

It's never been a simple thing to explain. I can tell you that my favorite holiday is Halloween, but truthfully? You probably don't understand the extent to which I mean that. I've been told I have a way with words, many times throughout the course of my life, but I don't know if I truly have the language to express all that Halloween is to me.

It's intrinsic.

It's not just a season. It's not just a favorite holiday. It's something that I need, like breathing. It's the blood in my veins, the beating of my heart, the air that I breathe. The closest anyone has ever come to describing it accurately was to say that I treat it like a religion.

I've never been especially religious, in the traditional sense, but it seemed like a worthy comparison.

Still, though, whatever I say never seems to be enough.

I don't know how to make people get it.

I'm always being told not to wish time away. Years when I've had to fight for my vacation time, I can see the strange looks in my bosses' or colleagues' eyes, as they wonder why I can't just make a 'simple' change to my plans. I have been told that a love for Halloween in adulthood implies 'arrested development', though that was just someone who got annoyed when I said something they didn't like about football. I've even had it implied that loving Halloween is simply my 'online persona', and that, my friends, was unforgivable.

I don't think anyone, even some of the people closest to me in the world, understand how vital Halloween is to me. Not just for my happiness...but for my survival.

If I didn't have Halloween to look ahead to, I don't think I could make it through the rest of the year. I 'rush the seasons' and 'wish time away', because I am nothing without Halloween.

Perhaps I am not 'rushing the seasons' at all, but simply trying to survive. Each day I fight a battle with anxiety, depression, depersonalization...pushing and pushing through until I get to feel like me again, for a short time.

Maybe it's not something anyone else can understand. Maybe it just is.

But I won't apologize for it.

Do what you want with the time in between, but as for me, I will be out searching, and ticking days off of calendar boxes, until I am home again.

Until I am me again.

Until I am again.

Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night//October 277th, 2024

I was recently given the opportunity to check out a new, independent Halloween short film called Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night. (Picture from IMDb) I first became aware of this film through the Instagram page , and to say I absolutely knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’d love it, would be an understatement. I can always tell when a piece of media is truly going to radiate Halloween, in the way that will transport me through whatever month we’re currently in (in this case, probably the most disgusting July on record) and into Halloween night itself. When I was offered early access to this short film, I could not have been more honored. Even though I’ve built up somewhat of a following within the Halloween community, it still amazes me every day that people finally truly see and feel what I’m trying to create; that my love of Halloween finally means something and brings some joy and comfort to others like myself, and that anyone, especially a filmmaker, would trust me ...

Here’s Where The Story Ends//October 337th, 2020

Everyone has moments in their life when they feel like giving up. That feeling of “This is never going to happen, so why keep trying?” Sometimes it relates to a thing that would be trivial to anyone else, sometimes it’s about something more life-altering. But, we’ve all been there. I have moments of discouragement with this blog. Times I’ve told myself, “No one cares”, or “No one will read this”, etc., but I continue on, for the joy of it. And sometimes, something amazing happens. If you haven’t read my previous post, Have You Seen This Pumpkin? , I would strongly suggest doing so before continuing on with this story. The short version is, I saw a pumpkin in someone’s window when I was twelve years old, and have spent the last twenty-one years trying to find it for myself. When I published that post, I wasn’t expecting much of a response. I was really just hoping to hear someone say, “Yes, my family had this pumpkin when I was a kid!” Or “I once saw this in a neighbor’...

How The Halloween Community Saved My Life//October 226th, 2024

In 2018, I thought I was dying. It wasn't a health scare, at least not a physical one. I was losing myself. 2018 was a truly transitional time for me. At the time, I was living with my parents, along with my boyfriend at the time, who I'd been with for over a decade. They say you never know what the next day is going to bring, and April 2018 was proof of that. Around the middle of the month, I made the decision to end my relationship, for several reasons, one being complicated feelings I had for someone else. I was in the process of figuring all of that out, when, not more than a week later, my father abruptly decided it was time to retire, put the house up for sale, and move to Florida. I don't do well with change on a good day. But dealing with all of this at once was rough. I was facing a breakup, a possible new relationship, and suddenly potential homelessness, all at once. (If you know me at all, you'll understand that moving to Florida was never a con...

Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

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