What Does It Mean To Miss Halloween?//October 45th, 2023

It's been two weeks now since Halloween.

Thanks to a couple of amazing friends (Hi Alicia and Sam if you're reading this! Love you ghouls!) I was able to hold onto things a little more than usual, with continued events and multiple trips to The Great Jack O'Lantern Blaze, but it's finally hitting me now that the official time of Halloween is, in fact, over.

It's funny, because when I say this on social media, I suddenly get flooded with people telling me it's not really over, or that it's always in my heart. (Or my least favorite, trying to push me into the, spooky or otherwise, Christmas spirit. Please read this post before you attempt to go down that road.)

The strange thing is, I know these things. I very obviously know how to hold onto Halloween despite calendar dates.When it comes to my free time, I essentially live completely outside the confines of a calendar. And yet, I can't help but feel that heaviness now, two weeks later, as Halloween gets put away and forgotten once again by the outside world.

What does it mean when I say I miss Halloween, even though I live in it every moment I can? I know I don't need the outside world's approval...and yet, somehow I miss when it's there.

There's a certain acceptance that only comes during the layman's "spooky season". A feeling of belonging. It brings with it a beauty that, for me, is unmatched during any other time. Autumn in itself, at its peak, is such a glorious thing to behold. And then, on top of that, the world immerses itself in the things that make me smile the most. I can take a walk and see so many pumpkins smiling back at me. So many ghosts billowing in the breeze. So many eagerly waving skeletons. I wrote a poem many years ago, in which I described Halloween season as one big present wrapped up with my name on it; as if everyone was acting a certain way just for me, the way perhaps a more "normal" person would feel at their own birthday party. And it does still, very much, feel that way. As if the universe is calling out to me, specifically, to remind me that I have a place in it. To remind me, no matter what has happened to me throughout the year, that I am, in fact, alive.

There is truly nothing in this world that can make me feel the way Halloween can.

And so, I suppose, it's just a little difficult for me to let go of the time when the world truly transforms. It is, definitely, enough that I've been able to transform my own universe...it just can be hard to accept that the masses of people who suddenly seem to be just like me for a month or two, suddenly aren't again. To accept the emptiness in the spaces that once contained the things that made my heart soar. Perhaps that's why I saw a deflated pumpkin man on a walk tonight and wanted desperately to revive him, as if he were a living being. Perhaps that's what the true Halloween season is to me...a living being that I never get to spend enough time with, but one who shapes the rest of my life in ways that no one else ever could.

Stay spooky, my friends.

The Long Way Back//October 32nd, 2023

Every year I talk about November 1st...it's such a confusing day. It makes me feel so many emotions all at once. Mournful, depressed, angry...It's like a slap in the face shoving us into a new month, forcing us to forget what came just hours before. Last year, I did have somewhat of an epiphany regarding the month of November as a whole, and while I do my best to keep my own past words in mind, that doesn't make today any easier. Or easy to explain, for that matter. I suppose I should speak from my heart. Today I feel detached from reality, as if I don't really exist. Like there is no longer a place in the world for me. Just yesterday everything I loved made sense, and was loved and revered by everyone else as well. I felt like I fit. But now, today, I see those same things being quickly shoved away. Less than twenty-four hours after trick-or-treating time began, it's all being swept under the rug. The season culminated and the world is no longer a place I recog

The Spooky Community Has No Entrance Fee//October 288th, 2023

Something I’ve been seeing a lot this year around the Halloween community, possibly more than any other year, has been talk of consumerism, how much money spent on Halloween is too much, whether collecting is really that important or if it’s somehow required to truly be a part of the community, etc. I’m in no way trying to copy anyone else who’s already spoken on this subject, but I thought I would chime in and share my thoughts, as it is something I definitely think about. Now, I’ve always been relatively fortunate when it comes to how much money I have to spend on Halloween goodies. As a child, I often received money for my birthday, September 8th, at the height of the shopping season, at least as I knew it back then. No, it wasn’t enough to collect the way I do now, but it was enough to make me happy, and you also could get a lot more for a lot less back then. I didn’t necessarily stop to think about my “hauls”, but I knew even at a young age that there was nothing I’d rather be sp

Here’s Where The Story Ends//October 337th, 2020

Everyone has moments in their life when they feel like giving up. That feeling of “This is never going to happen, so why keep trying?” Sometimes it relates to a thing that would be trivial to anyone else, sometimes it’s about something more life-altering. But, we’ve all been there. I have moments of discouragement with this blog. Times I’ve told myself, “No one cares”, or “No one will read this”, etc., but I continue on, for the joy of it. And sometimes, something amazing happens. If you haven’t read my previous post, Have You Seen This Pumpkin? , I would strongly suggest doing so before continuing on with this story. The short version is, I saw a pumpkin in someone’s window when I was twelve years old, and have spent the last twenty-one years trying to find it for myself. When I published that post, I wasn’t expecting much of a response. I was really just hoping to hear someone say, “Yes, my family had this pumpkin when I was a kid!” Or “I once saw this in a neighbor’s window while

Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

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