Of Halloween Countdowns & Summer Sadness//October 245th, 2025

I50 days until Halloween.

It's ironic, in a way, that this last leg of the journey is the hardest for me. 

I look out the window and see the blinding sun shining on the green leaves, as people walk past in tank tops and flip flops and the lake across the street glimmers in its beautiful, painful way, and I feel further now from Halloween than I did as I left Sleepy Hollow in the late morning hours on November 1st.

150 days, and it feels heavier, longer, than 364.

Summer depression is not easy. Hearing about how "gorgeous" it is outside in reference to the weather that drains me physically and mentally, makes me feel more invisible and unimportant than I did in my high school years. The constant bleating of Stop rushing the seasons!  as soon as a pumpkin dares appear on a store shelf, when "rushing the seasons" is the only thing keeping me going, makes me feel like I don't matter.

I realized, recently, that a person with summer SAD longing for fall, is no different than any of the million people you see starting countdowns to spring the second Christmas is over, because winter depresses them. 

Why is it only socially acceptable to love sunshine?  What's wrong with counting down to whatever makes us happy?

I sit at the edge of summer, hoping for the best. Hoping for gloomy days, cooler days, and hoping it moves quickly. I stare up at the trees and remind myself that they will be orange and red and yellow and brown again soon. 

It's just never soon enough.

And at the beginning of June, it feels like an eternal wait. Another full summer to get through, and who knows how long it will linger?

Some search for the light at the end of the tunnel, but I search for the gloom and the darkness, as I try endlessly to escape the aggressive light. 

For some, it's a season. For the lucky ones, it's happiness and bliss. But for me, it is a trek through the desert until I find my civilization again.

A journey well worth it, yes, but a harrowing one nonetheless.

The only way out is through. 

May our path be lit be with the glow of jack o'lanterns.