Someone on Instagram recently asked me, at what point do I stop mourning the previous Halloween, and start celebrating the upcoming one.
This was an interesting question to me, as it's honestly not something I think I've ever thought about before. Halloween is so perpetual to me, that the separation between this Halloween and last Halloween is not something I feel I've ever considered, save for the excitement of being able to say "this Halloween", once the Gregorian New Year hits.
So it's something I've been contemplating lately. What am I thinking about, when I go for walks around the neighborhood? Am I envisioning where the decorations were, last year, or where they will be, again?
I honestly think it's always a bit of both.
When I was younger, there was a house I trick-or-treated at that had a globe-shaped light that was designed to look like a witch flying across a full moon. It was obviously homemade, and it was a big deal in my Halloween-loving mind at the time. People didn't go quite as "all out" with decorations as they do nowadays, at least not in the same way, and to see something like that, something so different from everything else, made it a standout in my young, spooky mind.
I don't remember what year it was when the witch finally disappeared. I don't know if it became unusable or if the homeowners moved, or simply stopped caring, but I remember, for every year that it existed on my trick-or-treat route, it made me think of many things. That witch was like a faraway friend I got to visit once a year, and when I looked at her, I saw visions of both the past and the future. She'd been there as long as I could remember, and thus brought me back to where it all began; my love for Halloween from the time I was four years old on. And at the same time, I knew, or at least hoped, that I'd be seeing her again the following year. I looked forward to it, and wondered how I would change in that coming year, and what I would be by the following October 31st. These thoughts surrounded me, like a circle...Halloween always ahead of and behind me, all at once. Perpetual, unbroken.
That's why it's such a strange thing to think about. When does one end, and another begin?
My past Halloweens never truly go away. They are pieces of me, foundations of my being, and I remember them, mourn them, even, even when I'm actively celebrating the next. And the Halloweens I have yet to experience are always on my mind. What I look forward to most, always on the horizon. I look ahead and see Halloween, just as I look backward and see it, too.
It's just who I am.
I suppose, though, if I absolutely had to pick a timeframe when the scales tip to more hopeful from mournful, it is, perhaps, right around now. Though summer is hard on me, perhaps the hardest part of my year, it is the time that starts to bring Halloween with it. What I have mourned for so long, starts to come back around, like a flower growing from decomposition. It is a memory, but also anticipation, now..More than usual, as the decorations start trickling back into the stores, and more and more people seem to be thinking about it, again.
This time of year is the glorious rebirth of Halloween. The reminder that the future is closer than the past. Perhaps it is more about the coming celebration now, than it is about mourning for the past.
I wish it was autumn, we whisper. And now, it almost, almost is. What was, will be again.
And then it, too, will become a memory. A beloved friend we mourn, until a new phoenix is born out of its ashes.
Maybe the beauty of Halloween-time is what a perpetual cycle it is, for those that understand. It's like autumn itself, a death that feels alive. An echo in the wind, pulling as back, moving us forward.
Always ahead of us, always behind us.
Always holding us safe in its magical grasp.
Stay spooky, my friends.
🎃🎃🎃😀 I do love it.
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