Living & Longing//October 335th, 2024

Do I rush the seasons?

Probably.

Autumn has always been the only season for me. The other seasons have their moments, some more than others, but I never feel as alive as I do in September and October.

I don't necessarily mean to wish time away, but I can't help but yearn for what sets my heart ablaze, whether it's the dead of winter, the start of spring, or a day those unlike myself would deem 'perfect beach weather'.

Everyone has things they love, things they surround themselves with to make the most out of life. Mine just happens to be 'seasonal'.

Even as Halloween becomes more popular within mainstream society, so many people still don't understand the desire to hold onto that feeling all year round. Sometimes, even those within the Halloween community act like it takes away from things somehow, while I know I'd be miserable if I didn't live my life the way I do. I have tried to give it up, a few different times for a few different reasons, and I don't like, or even truly recognize the person I am without it.

I both live in Halloween, and long for it, eternally. And sometimes, when that first meteorological fall breath of September blows, I'm unsure how to feel.

'It's finally here!', the wind whispers to me. And then, in the same breath, 'It will be gone again soon.' Is there anything more fleeting than autumn? It truly feels like holding the hand of something that's dying. Watching the trees grow more bare every day, as the Christmas decor moves into stores, begging internally for just a little more time.

I am always counting down the days. It never feels close enough.

But then it comes. And sometimes, I can't help but think of how far away it will soon be again.

Is there anything more fleeting than autumn?

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I'm Not So Sure About This Social Media Thing//October 94th, 2026

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Welcome Back//October 358th, 2025

I went for my first walk in ages tonight. The last real walk I remember going on, was a December morning, when Halloween was being discarded. I remember seeing pumpkins by garbage cans, empty spaces where ghosts once flew. The ghosts of ghosts, you might say. The world hasn't looked the same, since then. But now, now it is autumn. It is that magical time when September shifts into almost-October; goes from being my birthday month to almost-Halloween. I walk tonight, and I see the beginnings. Not everyone has decorated yet, but it is starting. The world is beginning to look like a place I recognize once more, and old friends are appearing on lawns or in doorways, or peering down at me from windows. I'm not sure if I'm waking up from a dream, or have fallen back to sleep. But whatever it is, it feels good. The best I have felt in a long time. "Welcome back," I say to the decorations, and to autumn and Halloween, and to myself. "It fe...

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