I know I've spoken a lot here about different times and moments in my life that I've found transformational, or pivotal in helping shape me into who I am today. But there is one date I really don't think I've ever mentioned before:
June 29th, 2005.
This was the day I saw the musical Wicked for the first time.
I've always been fascinated by witches, both fictional and in their real-life lore. I'd watch anything relating ti them, especially when I was in my teens. They fascinated me. I used to say I'd never met a witch I didn't like.
So, when I heard the news that there was going to be a Broadway show about the untold backstory of the witches from The Wizard Of Oz, I knew I needed to see it. (It's worth noting that I'm also a sucker for backstories of well-known characters.)
It took two years from the time the musical initially opened, as it was extremely (no pun intended) popular for quite awhile, but I was finally gifted tickets for my high school graduation.
It poured the day of the show, to the point we almost didn't get to go at all. But we did...and the experience I had that evening was one I'll never forget.
I don't want to spoil things, as I know the movie is coming out later this year and all, but the basic gist of Wicked is that the character we know as the Wicked Witch of the West, now called Elphaba (named for L. Frank Baum's initials), is actually a misunderstood outcast, cast out for recognizing the wrongdoings around her and being unwilling to change herself to be the person others wanted/expected her to be. It's a story about staying true to yourself no matter what, accepting who you are and all of your uniqueness.
I was seventeen when I saw this show, just out of high school, where I'd tried so long and so hard to fit in, or at least blend in. I was never who I wanted to be in high school...I envied the "goth" kids, because I desperately wanted to look like them, project what was inside of me onto my outer image, but I didn't think I could withstand the negative attention I was sure it would get me; I was bullied enough as it was for being shy and quiet. And so, I tried to dress more like the popular crowd. Not because I wanted to be in with them, necessarily, but I wanted to feel safe, and not give them anything to talk about. I actually got a fair amount of compliments on my clothes, but it never felt exactly right. I was also the type of person, then, who just agreed with whoever I was speaking with, to try and keep the peace. Whatever opinions I had, I kept to myself. I didn't even like talking about favorite songs or movies or shows, for fear of judgment. (As far as my peers knew, my favorite holiday was Christmas, because I couldn't be the odd one out that liked Halloween more!)
When I saw Wicked, I was obviously right on the edge of something transformational. One chapter of my life had just come to a close. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe now I could be who I wanted to be...but when I saw Elphaba up on that stage that night, taking back her power, refusing to back down, finding comfort, strength, even, in herself despite the fact that no one understood her, that's when I started to realize that maybe I could do the same thing. Maybe there was some strength, some power, in being me after all.
I think the journey to being my most authentic self trout started that night. I have several diaries, from probably the first year or two after I saw the play, detailing different things about how it made me feel and how I related certain things to myself. I dressed up as Elphaba that Halloween (and at least one more after that), and when Halloween ended that year, I started to think more about how I wanted to dress all the time, and slowly started to move in the direction I'd always wanted to go in. With every step I've taken to become more "me", I feel like Elphaba is with me too. It's as if I met a future version of myself that night, telling me it was okay to be the person I'd always wanted to be.
Elphaba resonates with me perhaps more than any other fictional character ever has. And as I stand here today, more comfortable with myself than I ever imagined I could be prior to 8PM on June 29th, 2005, more willing to stay true to myself than to fade into the background or give into anyone else's demands or expectations, I'd like to think she'd be proud of me, and how far I've come.
And nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is, or was, is ever gonna bring me down!
Stay spooky, my friends.
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