On This Wicked Day In History//October 270th, 2024

I know I've spoken a lot here about different times and moments in my life that I've found transformational, or pivotal in helping shape me into who I am today. But there is one date I really don't think I've ever mentioned before:

June 29th, 2005.

This was the day I saw the musical Wicked for the first time.

I've always been fascinated by witches, both fictional and in their real-life lore. I'd watch anything relating ti them, especially when I was in my teens. They fascinated me. I used to say I'd never met a witch I didn't like.

So, when I heard the news that there was going to be a Broadway show about the untold backstory of the witches from The Wizard Of Oz, I knew I needed to see it. (It's worth noting that I'm also a sucker for backstories of well-known characters.)

It took two years from the time the musical initially opened, as it was extremely (no pun intended) popular for quite awhile, but I was finally gifted tickets for my high school graduation.

It poured the day of the show, to the point we almost didn't get to go at all. But we did...and the experience I had that evening was one I'll never forget.

I don't want to spoil things, as I know the movie is coming out later this year and all, but the basic gist of Wicked is that the character we know as the Wicked Witch of the West, now called Elphaba (named for L. Frank Baum's initials), is actually a misunderstood outcast, cast out for recognizing the wrongdoings around her and being unwilling to change herself to be the person others wanted/expected her to be. It's a story about staying true to yourself no matter what, accepting who you are and all of your uniqueness.

I was seventeen when I saw this show, just out of high school, where I'd tried so long and so hard to fit in, or at least blend in. I was never who I wanted to be in high school...I envied the "goth" kids, because I desperately wanted to look like them, project what was inside of me onto my outer image, but I didn't think I could withstand the negative attention I was sure it would get me; I was bullied enough as it was for being shy and quiet. And so, I tried to dress more like the popular crowd. Not because I wanted to be in with them, necessarily, but I wanted to feel safe, and not give them anything to talk about. I actually got a fair amount of compliments on my clothes, but it never felt exactly right. I was also the type of person, then, who just agreed with whoever I was speaking with, to try and keep the peace. Whatever opinions I had, I kept to myself. I didn't even like talking about favorite songs or movies or shows, for fear of judgment. (As far as my peers knew, my favorite holiday was Christmas, because I couldn't be the odd one out that liked Halloween more!)

When I saw Wicked, I was obviously right on the edge of something transformational. One chapter of my life had just come to a close. It hadn't occurred to me that maybe now I could be who I wanted to be...but when I saw Elphaba up on that stage that night, taking back her power, refusing to back down, finding comfort, strength, even, in herself despite the fact that no one understood her, that's when I started to realize that maybe I could do the same thing. Maybe there was some strength, some power, in being me after all.

I think the journey to being my most authentic self trout started that night. I have several diaries, from probably the first year or two after I saw the play, detailing different things about how it made me feel and how I related certain things to myself. I dressed up as Elphaba that Halloween (and at least one more after that), and when Halloween ended that year, I started to think more about how I wanted to dress all the time, and slowly started to move in the direction I'd always wanted to go in. With every step I've taken to become more "me", I feel like Elphaba is with me too. It's as if I met a future version of myself that night, telling me it was okay to be the person I'd always wanted to be.

Elphaba resonates with me perhaps more than any other fictional character ever has. And as I stand here today, more comfortable with myself than I ever imagined I could be prior to 8PM on June 29th, 2005, more willing to stay true to myself than to fade into the background or give into anyone else's demands or expectations, I'd like to think she'd be proud of me, and how far I've come.

(I unfortunately can't find any pictures of me from the Halloweens I was Elphaba, but here I am when I finally saw the show again in January 2019.)

And nobody, in all of Oz, no wizard that there is, or was, is ever gonna bring me down!

Stay spooky, my friends.

The Long Way Back//October 32nd, 2023

Every year I talk about November 1st...it's such a confusing day. It makes me feel so many emotions all at once. Mournful, depressed, angry...It's like a slap in the face shoving us into a new month, forcing us to forget what came just hours before. Last year, I did have somewhat of an epiphany regarding the month of November as a whole, and while I do my best to keep my own past words in mind, that doesn't make today any easier. Or easy to explain, for that matter. I suppose I should speak from my heart. Today I feel detached from reality, as if I don't really exist. Like there is no longer a place in the world for me. Just yesterday everything I loved made sense, and was loved and revered by everyone else as well. I felt like I fit. But now, today, I see those same things being quickly shoved away. Less than twenty-four hours after trick-or-treating time began, it's all being swept under the rug. The season culminated and the world is no longer a place I recog

Here’s Where The Story Ends//October 337th, 2020

Everyone has moments in their life when they feel like giving up. That feeling of “This is never going to happen, so why keep trying?” Sometimes it relates to a thing that would be trivial to anyone else, sometimes it’s about something more life-altering. But, we’ve all been there. I have moments of discouragement with this blog. Times I’ve told myself, “No one cares”, or “No one will read this”, etc., but I continue on, for the joy of it. And sometimes, something amazing happens. If you haven’t read my previous post, Have You Seen This Pumpkin? , I would strongly suggest doing so before continuing on with this story. The short version is, I saw a pumpkin in someone’s window when I was twelve years old, and have spent the last twenty-one years trying to find it for myself. When I published that post, I wasn’t expecting much of a response. I was really just hoping to hear someone say, “Yes, my family had this pumpkin when I was a kid!” Or “I once saw this in a neighbor’s window while

Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night//October 277th, 2024

I was recently given the opportunity to check out a new, independent Halloween short film called Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night. (Picture from IMDb) I first became aware of this film through the Instagram page , and to say I absolutely knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’d love it, would be an understatement. I can always tell when a piece of media is truly going to radiate Halloween, in the way that will transport me through whatever month we’re currently in (in this case, probably the most disgusting July on record) and into Halloween night itself. When I was offered early access to this short film, I could not have been more honored. Even though I’ve built up somewhat of a following within the Halloween community, it still amazes me every day that people finally truly see and feel what I’m trying to create; that my love of Halloween finally means something and brings some joy and comfort to others like myself, and that anyone, especially a filmmaker, would trust me to understand

Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

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