"I Can't Wait To Watch You Die."//October 213th, 2023

It’s truly a strange feeling to look at something and think

“I can’t wait to watch you die.”

But yet, as the Gregorian months of April and May drone on, propelling us closer to summer with every passing hour, as the leaves emerge and everything becomes an endless sea of green, lightly peppered with other colors that seem manufactured even if they aren’t, that is all I can think.

I can’t wait to watch them die.

Green leaves are so boring. And the world is so green in the spring. It seems like the decor of a minimalist, married to one color scheme, clean but blah. And I am anything but a minimalist.

I don't understand why spring and summer are considered so beautiful; why they make people seem to feel so alive.

I can't wait to watch them die.

As I look up at the thick, green leaves, remembering a restaurant I frequented as a child that was built to look like a rainforest, I start to picture them in all sorts of vibrant hues of orange, yellow, red, even brown.

I can't wait to watch them die.

Why am I most alive when everything is dying? Do I have it backward, or does the rest of the world? Why do my anxieties and depressions set in as the world goes brighter and hotter and enters its 'new beginning'?

I guess all I really know is, as the fall gets closer, my anxieties and depressions diminish, and I can tell you from the bottom of my heart:

I can't wait to watch them die.

As the rest of the world is born anew, I wait for my turn. I can almost see it, seeping its way through the veins of the newly bloomed leaves.

I can't wait to watch them die, because then, I be alive again.

Inspired by the thoughts of my teenage self on the way to the school bust stop one spring morning.

Comments

Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night//October 277th, 2024

I was recently given the opportunity to check out a new, independent Halloween short film called Pumpkin Guts: Devil’s Night. (Picture from IMDb) I first became aware of this film through the Instagram page , and to say I absolutely knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’d love it, would be an understatement. I can always tell when a piece of media is truly going to radiate Halloween, in the way that will transport me through whatever month we’re currently in (in this case, probably the most disgusting July on record) and into Halloween night itself. When I was offered early access to this short film, I could not have been more honored. Even though I’ve built up somewhat of a following within the Halloween community, it still amazes me every day that people finally truly see and feel what I’m trying to create; that my love of Halloween finally means something and brings some joy and comfort to others like myself, and that anyone, especially a filmmaker, would trust me ...

Here’s Where The Story Ends//October 337th, 2020

Everyone has moments in their life when they feel like giving up. That feeling of “This is never going to happen, so why keep trying?” Sometimes it relates to a thing that would be trivial to anyone else, sometimes it’s about something more life-altering. But, we’ve all been there. I have moments of discouragement with this blog. Times I’ve told myself, “No one cares”, or “No one will read this”, etc., but I continue on, for the joy of it. And sometimes, something amazing happens. If you haven’t read my previous post, Have You Seen This Pumpkin? , I would strongly suggest doing so before continuing on with this story. The short version is, I saw a pumpkin in someone’s window when I was twelve years old, and have spent the last twenty-one years trying to find it for myself. When I published that post, I wasn’t expecting much of a response. I was really just hoping to hear someone say, “Yes, my family had this pumpkin when I was a kid!” Or “I once saw this in a neighbor’...

American Horror Stories Season 3, Episode 1: Bestie//October 117th, 2024

I know, it's been ages since I've reviewed anything relating to American Horror Story. Hopefully someone out there missed it? I can't promise how frequent these reviews will be, as it's probably pretty evident that finding the time to watch the episodes and really contemplate them has been challenging for me over the past couple of years. While I don't think it would possible for me to ever truly stop loving AHS, its recent offerings, save for NYC, have left me feeling pretty "meh" about it. I've seen one episode of Delicate, and while it certainly wasn't bad, the subject matter doesn't really interest me at all and much like the vast majority of the fandom, the casting choices didn't exactly thrill me. I'll get back to it eventually, but I may wait until the entire season is out and just share my thoughts after the fact. American Horror Stories also has a habit of leaving me with a "meh" taste in my mouth. Save for a few st...

Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

Search This Blog