With today being the 100 day mark until Halloween, I started to ask myself:
When did my life start to become a perpetual countdown to Halloween?
The simple answer, of course, is that it always has been. From the first time I trick-or-treated at age four, there was always a part of me that was anticipating the next time it would happen. I don’t know how often I actually thought about it then...Perception of time is different when you’re that young. You don’t look at boxes on a calendar so much as you observe the world around you. But I knew when the world was at its best and brightest for me, and as I would start to see things slowly transform as autumn once again approached, I was always ay my happiest.
I think I was around ten years old when I started to realize how much I truly missed Halloween in the off-season. Thanks to my father, who was always computer-obsessed, I already had a computer in my bedroom and would make my own background wallpaper using good ol’ MS Paint. A lot of the time, they were just goofy pictures I drew of characters I liked at the time or something relating to whatever time of year it was. But for some reason, on this particular day, which for some reason I’m thinking was in May, I suddenly got hit with a wave of emotion and made a background with a (very crudely drawn) pumpkin and ghost on it, with the words “HOW MUCH LONGER ‘TIL OCTOBER 31st?” written in messy but huge and determined letters, by hand, because I didn’t think any of the available fonts got the point across in the same way. I remember proudly telling my aunt, the woman responsible for getting me into Halloween in the first place, about it, but getting little more than a strange look and a confirmation that “It’s May!” in response. I believe it was in that moment that I realized I was very different from other people who called Halloween their “favorite holiday”.
When I was twelve, I had a dream about trick-or-treating, in February, and woke up disappointed that it wasn’t actually time to celebrate Halloween. It inspired a comedic poem that my mother and I would go on to laugh about for years to come. The only line I really remember is “Now I hear sirens, I fear I must hurry. I’ll never again trick-or-treat in February!” I treated it like a joke, but the truth was, there was nothing I wanted more in the world than to just put on a costume and go for it, no matter what the calendar said. That was also the year I realized just how much I truly relied on Halloween, while going through the rough transition of starting middle school. That was when I really started feeling the emptiness of the off-season, when I couldn’t look around and see Halloween decorations to comfort me.
The year I was fourteen was probably the turning point. 9/11 happened that year, just over a month before Halloween, and everything felt uncertain. We had been given a random free preview of the Disney Channel, and Halloweentown II was about to premiere. The preview actually didn’t last long enough for me to see it, but I became obsessed with the concept of a place where every day was Halloween. I suppose I could sense the world was changing, and I also lost my grandfather, who I was incredibly close to, that October, but that just cemented my love and need for Halloween even further. When the season ended that year (after Halloween nearly being cancelled because of fear of terror attacks and anthrax), I could feel that I was taking it harder than I ever had before. I started missing it like a loved one who’d moved far away, rather than just having my usual thoughts of “I sure wish it was Halloween right now!” When Christmas time came, I could feel myself becoming disenchanted with it. I tried to have fun, but I couldn’t pretend it was my favorite holiday anymore as I always had before. I wrote in my diary that all I wanted for Christmas was Halloween, and that no one seemed to understand. I wrote tons of poems about how much I missed the season and just how empty I felt without the comforts of Halloween around me. For some reason it never occurred to me then that I should keep my decorations out year-round, and I truly wish I had started doing that sooner.
I believe I was twenty when I actually started keeping decorations out year-round. My only explanation for not doing it sooner is that I probably thought it would somehow make the actual season less special, but that has never been the case, and I know that I am a happier person since surrounding myself with Halloween all year round. I am constantly finding new ways to keep the Halloween spirit alive no matter what the calendar says, and I am never happier than when I’m doing something Halloween-y.
And I must add, it truly feels wonderful to have finally found people around social media who feel the same way, and count down the days and celebrate the milestones, like today’s 100 day mark, just as I have always done.
Stay spooky, my friends, and happy 100 Days ‘Til Halloween!
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