The Dream Sequence//October 38th, 2024

 The way I feel about Halloween's end is strange this year. 

It's taken me almost this entire week to really process that it's "over"... I'm not sure if the weather had something to do with that, as it was 83 degrees on Halloween day. I think, perhaps, that made it feel more like the period in summer when it feels like Halloween season because there are things in the stores, but you know it's not actually October yet. 

So much of October was sunny and dry....I don't think we had a single gloomy day. Temperature wise, I think I can count on one hand the number of days where it actually felt like autumn. I had a good time, tried to soak in that October feeling as much as I could (and ultimately I think I was more present in it this year than I have been in awhile), but it was quite depressing to feel so summery during the time of year I wait for, that's already so very fleeting as it is. It felt a bit like having an uninvited guest, someone determined to have a bad time, show up at your party. 

The buildup up to Halloween was both there and not at the same time. I didn't spent as much time outside as I normally do, because it was so bright and hot. I did watch quite a few comfort movies and tv specials, probably more than I have in recent years. The anticipation was there, but it still felt like Halloween was further away than it actually was; Again, as if I were watching these movies in the spring or summer. At times, I found myself almost surprised to look outside and see autumn colors, and real pumpkins on neighbors' doorsteps. How can it be here, but also not be here, at the same exact time?

Post-Halloween Depression has been hitting me in strange ways this year...It's like I'm stuck on the "denial" stage of grief. Halloween can't possibly be over, when it barely felt like October was here. I've never quite had this intense of a feeling that "it was all a dream" before. It's a difficult thing to explain it, but October this year, and particularly Halloween itself, truly feels like I dreamt it. That faraway feeling you get when you wake up, of something so close it was just there, yet so far away that the memory is fuzzy. 

It didn't help how quickly Christmas came on this year, either. Christmas commercials were in a steady marathon on TV, on Halloween afternoon. As if trying to brainwash us into forgetting. I saw someone elsewhere on social media, I can't remember if it was Instagram or Threads now, describe the day after Halloween as feeling as if the neighbors had all gotten together and made a pact to forget what came the night before, and remove all traces of it by morning. I'd never heard a more accurate description in my life. I used to call the end of Halloween a "perfect murder" when I was younger, but even then, it never died quite as quickly as it does now. Even those who don't make the immediate jump to Christmas, or even Thanksgiving, tend to rip their Halloween decor down first thing November 1st morning. And I think the hot Halloween weather this year, combined with Christmas literally stalking it with an ax on its own day, made the day feel like a fever dream.

Don't get me wrong, I had an amazing Halloween this year...Possibly the absolute best ever. I carry wonderful memories of my three-day celebration, and many things that came before. But, it all feels like it spun away so quickly this year, like a dream does immediately after you open your eyes. When I look at neighbors' empty yards, farms devoid of pumpkins, trees now bare, I continually question myself, Was it ever there at all?  

It's November 7th, and, on some level, I feel like I'm still waiting for autumn for arrive. And another part of me feels like it was both yesterday and ages ago at the same time. I mourn what has passed, and anticipate what is yet to come...But above all else, I continue to live like it's Halloween every day, even if no one else feels it.

Stay spooky, my friends.