As you probably already know, Christmas is not my thing. I did a detailed post about that last year, so I won’t bore anyone with repeating myself, but I would like to reiterate that one of my big reasons for not enjoying this time of year, is the fact that I have a retail job. And, having a retail job means hearing a lot of Christmas songs on repeat for at least a month.
I tend to have a lot of goofy thoughts regarding these songs, such as the probability of a grown man listing “girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes” among his favorite things ending up on a list, or the fact that my all-time least favorite, It’s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, sounds incredibly sarcastic when you really listen to it. However, today I heard It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas, and found myself asking, “WTF do you mean, beginning?! It’s been looking a lot like Christmas since September!”
And so I was inspired to rewrite the song, to address the issues that we in the Halloween community face each year because Christmas can’t ever seem to wait its turn.
This was all done in good fun, of course, and as a way to satisfy my starved creative spirit during the time of year that work is at its most all-consuming. It’s not meant to shade anyone who enjoys Christmas as well as Halloween, but I think it’s something many of us can agree on, ultimately. We’ve all gotten to a store excited to Halloween-shop, only to find the seasonal aisle already overrun by Christmas and the Halloween stuff being pulled from the shelves to accommodate it.
Without further ado, I present to you the spooky bitch’s version of It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Christmas:
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
Take a look at the Walmart shelves
All full of trees and elves.
One aisle over, Jack O'Lanterns glow
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Displays in every store
But all I want to see
Are the pumpkins that should be out on the sales floor!
A brand new pumpkin that's cute and a ghost that says boo are what made me come to this place
But it's all Christmas stock and I can't even walk without seeing Santa's face
I wish December 25th could wait for the time and place!
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Everywhere you go
There's a tree in the local mall
The kids are all having a ball
In piles of leaves because it's way too soon for snow!
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
How'd this madness start?!
It's October, can't you see?!
And Halloween should be what's within your heart!
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Earlier each year
Christmas starts before Halloween
It makes me want to scream
WAIT UNTIL IT'S HERE!!!
It may not be Grammy worthy material, but it amused me, and I hope it amuses you too.
Stay spooky, my friends, and have a merry, scary whatever you celebrate.
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