November, October’s Graveyard//October 48th, 2020

 I feel a strange energy in the air today. 

I had planned to take a lot of pictures, even hauled six real pumpkins outside with me, and of course, it started to rain. Not too heavily, but enough to make me wary of having handmade dolls outside for an extended period of time. I finished up what I could, but I found myself still longing to be outside. 

That’s a strange occurrence for me, in November. I do try, sometimes desperately, to hold onto the fact that November is still autumn, but it’s not always easy, especially in a day and age where Christmas takes over on November first, and autumnal decor for Thanksgiving doesn’t seem to exist anymore. (Does anyone remember when grocery stores would stock pumpkins until Black Friday?) Today, however, has been a different kind of day.

It’s hard to explain, but after pulling a chair under one of the umbrellas on the patio, I looked around and just felt the strangest feelings and energies.

The sky is gray, and there’s a melancholy feeling in the air. There’s no doubt that it’s autumn, but not the lively part of autumn, full of pre-Halloween excitement. This is clearly November autumn, the gray, murky, almost dismal kind that I recognize from that Thanksgiving book from my childhood, but with a hint of something else.

It may not be pre-Halloween anymore in the eyes of the masses, but I swear, there’s a spookiness to today. There’s a stillness in the air that almost commands me to stop and reflect. On some level, it’s almost like being in a cemetery. Melancholy but calm and quiet, with an element of eeriness, all combined to make you think about what you’re experiencing. 

It almost feels as though the universe itself is acknowledging the pain of Halloween being over, at long last. As if some unseen forces came together and decided that today should be a day of mourning. It just feels like a day to remember Halloween; this past one and whichever others hold precious memories. Halloween is in the air today, though it still feels far away.

My post-Halloween depression remains; the wounds will feel fresh for awhile still, but this day, with its strange spooky vibe and seeming insistence that autumn is still upon us has brought me a strange sense of hope. I feel sad, yet oddly fulfilled. Again, it’s like a funeral. I feel as if I’m mourning the loss of Halloween, while still celebrating the fact that it exists. 

There is something out there, always, for those of us that love and live for Halloween. Sometimes, we have to look for it, but other times, it finds us. 

The calendar can say what it wants, but the Halloween spirit can never be drowned out, for those of us that truly believe. It’s just a matter of finding it, or in some cases, allowing the universe to show it to you.

Stay spooky, my friends.