Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

I’m going to start off this review by saying, I just returned from a trip to London and I’m jet-lagged, exhausted, and pressed for time, but I really want to get this review done. I also can’t seem to find any decent pictures that go along with points I want to discuss, so this review will likely be just me rambling. Hopefully it’s enjoyable. I apologize in advance for the lack of Lyme disease references but Doris is apparently camera shy these days. Our episode starts off with some fishermen discovering the body of our dearly departed Chief Burleson, having been dumped in the water after she was sucked dry by Alma. This prompts an investigation from another officer, who goes to a town council meeting and can instantly tell she’s being lied to. Dear Holden Vaughn is on the council (His role in all this has beyond confusing...Is he a realtor? An interior designer? Is he on the pill? Is he a politician? But I can’t help but be happy whenever he’s on-screen.) and he does some of his signa...

 We’re only one episode away from the finale of the Red Tide portion of AHS Double Feature and shit is getting real. Not that it’s really had many slow points thus far, but still. A lot happens in this one episode. We open with Doris finally giving birth to her baby (I know it’s only been five episodes but I feel like she’s been pregnant forever.) and it takes her forever and a day to pick a name for him, so in my mind he instantly becomes little LD Gardner, short for Lyme Disease, of course. Harry is doing his fatherly duties in the delivery room and if course, all of the blood is just too much for him to handle, so he ends up drinking the placenta blood from the linens left in the garbage can. Definitely one of the more disgusting things I’ve ever seen on this show.  Anyway, the Gardners get home and Doris is being her annoying self, with Alma still wondering why her mother even needs to be a thing anymore. One night, Doris wakes up to see Alma drinking from little LD’s leg,...

 We did it, boils and ghouls.  We made it through an entire episode of the Red Tide portion of AHS Double Feature without hearing a word about Lyme disease. And that is because this week’s episode was a flashback/backstory episode that didn’t feature the Gardners at all. Did I miss them? Not really. Especially not Doris. Maybe Alma, a little. Anyway. Our episode starts off with Holden Vaughn, Denis O’Hare’s character who I honestly wasn’t sure if we’d ever see again, selling a house to the Chemist (who still doesn’t have a name besides The Chemist), nine years in the past, some time around Halloween. Holden is perplexed as to why she’d want to move to a place like Provincetown, and suspects she’s looking to start a meth ring, to which she responds that meth is below her pay grade. We soon find out that the Chemist actually worked for the military, and was put in charge of creating a drug that could actually destroy one’s creative impulses, for the sake of stopping free thinkin...

 Time for another AHS review and recap! (I promise I’ll write about something else again one of these days, it’s just hard to find the time and energy for original writing at this point in time and the reviews are honestly saving my soul.)  I’m going to be just like the episode and get right into it. And by “it”, I mean referencing Lyme disease. We pick up basically right where we left off last week, with Doris rushing Alma into the house after finding her feasting on rabbit blood in the cemetery, and Doris is immediately blaming it on Lyme disease. That’s right, boils and ghouls, we don’t even get a full minute into the episode without Doris Gardner blaming Lyme disease for every problem in Provincetown, and possibly the world. Luckily, Chief Burleson shows up and wants to take Alma downtown to ask a few questions, and Doris promptly has a fainting spell. Harry gets the Chief to leave them alone, claiming the stress is getting to Doris and completely ignoring the fact that Do...