Katie Pumpkinhead’s Pumpkin Patch

I just want to preface this review by saying, this is my least favorite episode of the season so far. I didn’t necessarily dislike it, but it just didn’t bring anything at all special to the table for me, and I caught myself saying “Really?!”  out loud more times than I ever hope to during an episode of anything. This review may actually be fairly short, as I really don’t think there’s much depth to go into here, which is actually kind of ironic considering that it is a story centered upon being shallow. Facelift introduces us to a woman named Virginia Mellon, which, quite frankly, sounds like something you’d find in the local grocery store’s produce department, but I digress. Virginia does things like dab urine onto her face (which is gross but not Milkmaids- opening level gross) because she’s obsessed with staying young and beautiful, and all in all she reminds me quite a bit of Fiona Goode at the beginning of Coven, if Fiona had nothing else going for her. Virginia also lives wi...

 This episode of American Horror Stories is one I absolutely couldn't wait to see. So, naturally, it fell within with a week that real life (and also The Sandman premiere) got in the way and I only got around to watching it at a regrettable hour on Tuesday night. But this episode is one I've been hoping to see in the AHS universe for a long time.  If I had to think about what scared me the most in my childhood, Bloody Mary ranks very, very high on the list. I can remember almost the whole scene of hearing about her for the first time. It was art class, third grade. For some reason, some of the kids at my table started talking about ghost stories and scary encounters, and, since I really had no one to talk to, all I could do was listen.  Being an eight-year-old child who was afraid of just about everything at the time, a lot of the stories got to me. I remember one about a disappearing house, and another about a girl who swore she saw scissors hovering by her sister's neck...

 This week, American Horror Stories gave us something we haven't seen yet from the spin-off anthology series (And if I'm honest, something I don't think we see enough of on the main show anymore): A period piece!  Milkmaids begins in the time of smallpox, with a man named Thomas, played by the Patron Saint of Stories  himself, Cody Fern. Thomas's wife has just died of the disease, and evidently so have all of his daughters, leaving him only with a son, Edward. It's a very morbid opening, as Edward asks why none of their friends are coming to the funeral services, and Thomas answers that it's because they're dead. Edward has a lot of morbid questions, honestly. But a creepy kid is far from the most disturbing thing this episode has to offer. We are soon introduced to Celeste, a prostitute who is riddled with boils resembling that associated with smallpox, only she's never been sick. Men don't just come to Celeste for sex, you see. They come to lick th...

 The latest installment of American Horror Stories was another one I was afraid I wouldn't like. When the highlight of the cast list is a young starlet (in this case Bella Thorne of former Disney Channel fame), I start to worry that we're headed back into the CW teen melodrama standard set by last season. But, while this wasn't my top favorite of this season's three entries so far, I have to say, I was still pleasantly surprised. Drive introduces us to a young woman who loves the nightlife. As Queenie once stated about the iconic Madison Montgomery, we immediately get the sense that are potential heroine here is a stone cold bitch who loves hard drinking, big dicks, and trouble. In fact, when she whispers her name in the ear of the first conquest we see her engaging with, I truly expect her to say, "Madison Montgomery Lite", but her name turns out to be Marci. (On a side note, I found myself kind of laughing at the name the whole time...? I mean, I don't t...

 I had a random memory recently of a strange little story from my childhood; something I hadn’t thought about in many years. I thought it would be interesting to revisit it, as I don’t think I ever gave it too much thought after it initially happened. This could possibly be categorized as a ghost story, though it’s more likely just the tale of two spooky kids messing with each other. Either way, I think it’s kind of interesting. From the time I was about eight or nine years old, through my early teen years, I was best friends with a girl named Samantha. She was the granddaughter of my then next-door neighbors, and we were together pretty much every day during the summer, when she was basically living at her grandparents’ house. She did actually live in the same town, but in a different area, so we didn’t go to the same school and I rarely went to her actual home. Most of the time we hung out at my house, usually in the basement, where the majority of my toys and games and things we...